How to Tell if She’s the One


Written for CAVE Magazine by Alison Hayter.

Picture this: You’re enjoying a nice evening together, relaxing on the couch, watching an enthralling game of football between some team from Green Bay and another team from New York (hey, it’s your mental picture, don’t expect me to know the names) when she coyly asks you, “baby, when are we going to get married?”

You immediately balk at the idea.  After all, it’s only been two years.

“All my friends are getting married,” she insists.

Clearly, you have thoughts of bolting for the door. But, instead, you shart yourself right then and there.  Bravo.

But instead of bolting for the door, why not think about it? It’s been two years. You owe it to her to at least mull it over.

So, how can you tell if she’s the one?

There are three sure ways to tell if she’s the one.

1.  She puts out at least 3 times a week;

2. She has a solid rack; and

3. She’s über popular.

Okay, so I’m lying and hope you assumed as much.  If you don’t assume I’m fudging the truth, you are definitely making an ass out of you.

But, for all my ranting and raving about men, I really do love them and sincerely want to help you dudes out.

The bottom line is – there is no way to know for certain that she’s the one, but there are things to consider before popping the question.

Firstly, you can be yourself. This means sharts and all (but avoid this if possible).  If you feel like you have to be someone else around her, she’s not the one.

Secondly, you are respectful of one another. That means no cheating, lying or sketchy behaviour.  If she talks to you about an inordinate number of male friends that you’ve never met, there’s a problem. It’s cool if you’ve got friends of the opposite sex, but it’s only respectful to make sure your partner has met them at least once.  Trust is the bedrock of any solid relationship. You and your partner should know there’s no funny business going on.

Finally, don’t rush.  Statistics show that those who marry between the ages of 20 and 24 are more likely to get divorced.  If you’re young and she’s pushing you to get married, maybe she’s not the one.  If she really loves you, she’ll wait until you’re ready (within reason guys, don’t expect her to wait until you’re 40).  You don’t need a lot in common (you are individuals, remember?), you don’t need a wild sex life, and you don’t need to agree on everything all the time.  These things can be investigated, experimented and debated for years to come. Therein lies the fun.

Relationships are hard work. Beyond a doubt, you need to have each other’s backs.  If she doesn’t have yours, she’s not the one.  The reality is, when you marry someone, you’re with them for life. So, choose wisely.




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