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April 9, 2012

How To Handle Your Buddy On Their Birthday

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Written by: Jordan Scheltgen
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guys-drinking
There is no escaping it, it’ your friend’s birthday, you all are heading out for a night on the town. Your friend may say this year he wants it to be different; more relaxed and mature…Yea sure. Strap on your seat belts because the night you are about to dive into can easily get out of hand. It is your duty as a close friend to make sure that the guy celebrating his birthday has trouble peeling himself out of bed the next morning, but it is also your duty to make sure he doesn’t die.

Here Are Some Essentials To Make The Night A Success

Establish a Base Camp

When you get to the bar quickly establish a place where you will be hanging out for the majority of the night. If you can get a table, fantastic. If you can only get a corner of the bar, then you are going to have to make due. Make sure the guy celebrating his birthday sees and gets familiarized with base camp before he gets to wasted. His sober familiarity with the spot will allow for the drunk version of him to navigate back to camp relatively easily.

Keep Him Under Surveillance

It his night, not yours, so do not get upset when you are required to do a little babysitting from time to time throughout the night. As funny as it may seem when your buddy is out slapping every girls ass, the joke will be quickly turned around when one of those girls has a 6’5 boyfriend who looks like he is fresh out of prison. Keep him corralled and under control, he is going to feel like a Rock Star, unfortunately nobody else is going to feel the same about him. At the end of the night, it is your responsibility to make sure he makes it to his bed. Never leave the birthday boy on his own before he gets to sleep. Losing a drunk friend is one of the funniest and scariest things that can happen to a group of friends.

Buy His Drinks

If you know that Rye turns your buddy into a complete idiot who tries to fight the world, then maybe it’s a good idea for you to buy his drinks. If he is already hammered and asking for more to drink, get the bartender to water down his next one, or order him something with a low alcohol content. As long as your buddy has something in his hand he will be satisfied.

Do Not Get Birthday Drunk Yourself

Do not keep pace with the birthday boy, it will only end poorly. One drunk idiot is enough of a burden for all of your friends, do not make them deal with two imbeciles. Be careful, because everyone else is using the methods above to watch the birthday boy, so if you get out of control it go unnoticed until it is too late and you are sitting down puking inside the bar, or dance battling the homeless guy outside the bar.

 

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About the Author

Jordan Scheltgen
Originally from Vancouver, Jordan Scheltgen now lives in Toronto. He is the Editor-in-Chief of CAVE Magazine. He is responsible for finalizing all projects. He holds a honours degree in Political Science from the University of Toronto. He also makes 1/2 hour brownies in 20 minutes and can perform mediocre handstands.




 
 

 
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